If reading self-help books embarrass you, this is for you
I was the kind of person who used to look down on people who read self-help books. Why would you spend time reading something that is supposed to “change your life” or “improve your habits” written by someone you don’t know? Wouldn’t it be better to spend time reading classics, philosophy, academic books, who can turn you into a more cultured person? Isn’t the whole purpose of books to make you smarter?
I know, not everybody thinks like that. But I come from an academic background that values spending your time reading things that you don’t even enjoy, just to appear more intellectual. And I became tired of it.
So last week I decided to buy “You are a badass” by Jen Sincero, and I began to enjoy it so much, I started recommending it to my friends. The comments I received were the same that I would have made two months ago: “the title is lame”, “I don’t read that kind of books”, and got condescending looks that made me feel kind of embarrassed of reading it. So I started to think, why are we ashamed of reading self-help books? And I started my little “research” on the internet. I made a poll on Instagram and these were the results:
From that 50% of people who answered that they are a waste of time, or that they don’t like or dislike them, these were some of their comments:
- They are full of clichés
- They provide superficial solutions
- They take advantage of people’s insecurities
- They ignore different socio-cultural contexts
And I agree with all of them. But here’s the thing. I don’t think a book can change your life, or solve your emotional problems at all. But it can make you feel better. And if it does, does it matter if someone else thinks it’s lame?
The problem with them is that they promise to fix everything wrong in your life. For example, the book I mentioned claims to make you “stop doubting your greatness and start living an awesome life”. This book can’t lift my self-esteem just by reading it. But it has helped me feeling better while I wait for my next therapy and take my meds, and I will probably keep doubting my greatness until I finish with my psychological treatment.
Another important thing to take into consideration is the socio-cultural context from where the writers of these books are from. Most of them are white and live in a developed country where you can make your dreams come true most of the time if you put a little effort into it. I am not saying white people have all their problems solved, but statistically, they are born with an advantage. So they’re not lying when they claim you can have an awesome life, they’re just, probably, not thinking about the variety of backgrounds and socio-cultural contexts of the people who will read them.
Even I am an example of that. I am a Mexican white-passing woman. I am not rich, but I am not poor either, and I can afford psychological treatment for my anxiety and depression. This is one of the reasons why I think self-help books are working for me. I acknowledge my privileges. But what would I think if I read them out of treatment? I would’ve probably felt frustrated for not being able to follow the advices given in them. Which would make my anxiety even worst.
So what are my final thoughts? Self-help books are not for everyone. If you feel like you need psychological help, don’t spend your time and money on these books. Go get professional help! (and read them later if you wish). If your mental health is fine, then go ahead and read them. Not everything we read, watch or do, is supposed to make us smarter or more cultured.
